It is human nature to push the limits with people and situations. Many times people don’t know what it means to have boundaries. They don’t know where the line is and they don’t know how to keep others from crossing their own.
Setting a boundary with others -
You need to set a boundary so others do not walk all over you. If you don’t ever say “no” or tell others how you feel, they will assume it is ok. It isn’t! They need to know if they have done something to hurt or upset you. You have the right to stand up for yourself. That doesn’t mean you can go crazy on them or it gives you license to say horrible things. It just means you have a right to explain to someone that what they did or said was unacceptable. For example, if your roommate wears your clothes or uses your stuff without asking and you hate it, but you say nothing. She will keep doing it. She doesn’t know you don’t like it, even though you may make faces or walk away. Or she may think,” if you aren’t going to say anything, why should I stop?” If you let her know you don’t like when she takes your things without asking, there is a good chance she will not do it again. Life doesn’t always work that smoothly and there are times where people are inconsiderate or just obnoxious and they don’t care how you feel. But if you let them know anyway, they will understand that you are not allowing it. They will know you are not a pushover who allows others to say or do whatever works for them.
This works in any situation, with professors, boyfriends, friends and parents or even strangers. You have a right to stand up for yourself and not let others be rude to you, take advantage of you or impose what they want on you. Again, that doesn’t mean you can assert yourself in every situation, but you do not have to give in or tolerate others bad behavior because you are afraid to speak up or rock the boat.
Respecting others boundaries –
The same goes for you too. You need to be considerate of others, their feelings and their space. Be aware of yourself. If you are visiting a friend in a dorm every day or always hanging out in their room, but getting a vibe that they aren’t always so happy to see you, take a step back. They may want some space. That doesn’t mean they don’t like you or want to hang out, but everyone needs a little personal space. She may not want to hurt your feelings but might be thinking you are a little too “clingy”. Same goes for boyfriends or new relationships.
Navigating when to be assertive and when to give some space can be hard to determine. A good rule is no more than two times of reaching out to someone, whether it be by text, phone call or in person. Let the other person then reach out to you. It may take them some time, but they will. And if they don’t, were you really as close as you had thought? It depends, but something to think about.
Be aware of yourself and not inserting yourself into every situation. Sometimes it is good to hang back and listen without giving an opinion. Your friend of boyfriend my want to talk about something that is bothering them and you keep talking about yourself. Listening is a very important part of relationships. You have to know when to listen and when it is okay to talk. If someone is upset, listen. If someone has a story to tell, listen. Then it is your turn. Ask them, do you want my opinion? Or just support? Often times we just throw our thoughts out there without regard to what the other person actually needs. Asking is always a great way to find out.
Boundaries apply to all relationships, but that doesn’t mean every situation requires so much thought. When you become very close with someone, whether it be a friend or an intimate relationship, you fall into a groove and don’t need to be so careful with the boundaries because you have an understanding of one another.
